When I was 30, the company I was working at decided not to renew my contract. I went in one day and they asked me to leave saying my contract was up for renewal and they were taking the option not to renew it.

There was a few cuts made that month, but it sucked.

I was working as a web content editor.  It was not the greatest job, but I took it after being unemployed from full time employment for nearly 6 months.  I was commuting to London at the time, and I was doing long hours for not great money, but it was a foot in the door.   I was there 10 months.

When I got home that night, a book I had ordered off the internet turned up.  It was a book called ‘Save Me from Myself’ by Brian ‘Head’ Welch.   Without going into too much detail, he was a man that had it all on the outside, but inside he was not happy.  He found God and gave everything up, and has been happy ever since.

I read that book in an entire sitting.  And at the end of the book I cried.  I really cried.   Everything in the book echoed what I felt inside.   I was not happy.  And I had not been happy for a long time.  I had worked any job to pay rent and bills and survive.  And I partied and rocked out like everyone else.  But I was shit of the inside.  And nothing meant anything.  I didn’t mean anything.

That night I sat on my bed looking up at my crucifix.   I have the coolest crucifix and it’s the only religious thing that I own, because it looks cool.   And I prayed.   I prayed for God to take control of my life and make me happy.

A little history into some of the interesting jobs I have had.   You can’t say that I’m not fussy.

A Turning Point

Ever since that NIGHT, things have slowing been going slowly on the up for me.  This was especially with work.

I had an interview after 4 days of losing my job.  It was another content editor position in London.  It was an extra £6000 a yr, with a little more responsibility and a little European travel as well.  Good location, swanky office, etc.   I breezed the interview, and shortly after interview, the agency rang me to say that the lady wanted to hire me there and then, but she needed to run it by a colleague who was out of the office that week.   All had seemed well.  I had a new job, after only 4 days.   Whoop.

On the journey home on the train, I thought about it somewhat.   After the last position I had, did I want to do the same thing again?   Isn’t it effectively selling your soul when you are doing something for the wrong reasons?   After my prayer session days before, would I go ahead with it?  There was something in my gut telling me.

So I said to God on the train.

“Hey, if I am not meant to get this position, I don’t want it.  I want to be happy.”

The agency continued to call all week checking I was available to start, this that and the other, and they were pleased with themselves.   I would have to take the position should nothing else come up, because I need to be responsible and pay bills etc.

But low and behold.   About 4 days before I was dues to START, they called back and said that the company had decided to interview a few more people.    And I never heard from them again.

Ever since then, every job I have had has almost been a blessing in disguise.

Do What Makes You Happy

So I had to get a job.  At the time, I was living at home.   My mother worked away from home, but paid towards the mortgage, and my sister, used some of the spare rooms to work from, but for the most part I was living there on my own.   And without a job, I had a lot of time to think.

I had a lot of time to think.

And a lot occurred to me.

All the jobs that I had had over the years, where simply fight or flight responses to being unemployed.   My mum would not have me unemployed, so I would just take any job to keep paying bills.   And I have done a wide variety of jobs.   And I hated them all.  I was unhappy.

And even though I guess this was always apparent, I didn’t want to be unhappy anymore.   If we are supposed to work for 8 hrs a day, why can’t my 8 hrs be awesome?

The one thing I have always been ‘good’ at is drawing.  Call it a gift, given to me by God.   Maybe because drawing comes so easy for me, that I am lazy with my gift, but I recall that hours can pass when I am illustrating and I love it.   It brings me complete calm and focus.

It’s About Time.

I had an idea when I was 22.   It started with a couple of punch lines and doodles, and it became an idea that I would ‘get around to’.  What I hadn’t realised is that I was never equipped to do anything with this idea before, because I had not acquired the knowledge, skills, or the know-how to develop my idea.   The idea popped into my head to make a start on it.   So I just got with it.   So I drew and drew and drew.

At the same time, God knew that I would have to pay my bills and I could not slack on that front.   So out of the blue, someone I vaguely know stopped me in the street and asked me to interview for them (how often does that happen?).   So I went, and I got the job.  The beauty of it was, it was a part-time roll, paying full time money, and still gave me enough time to illustrate and make some headway with this idea that had been kicking around in my head for years.

So?

So now, after 9 yrs of being an idea on paper, drawings in a box, visions in my head, my plan for releasing my work amongst the world is about to be realised.   Once it is launched, I will post a link in a separate article.

I don’t want to get a head of myself now.  I hope and pray this is part of the path I am on.